I have been thinking about conversations and communication a lot in the past week. What got me started down this path? A couple of things.
First, I was in my local food co-op last week, and overheard a mother talking to her 13 or 14 year old son. They were discussing tattoos, and the mother said that essentially it was a moot point, as her son would NEVER be getting a tattoo. He teased her about it a little bit, saying, “What if I want you to come live with me and buy you a big fancy house? Does that mean you wouldn’t come live with me?” She said, that’s right—she would not live with him if got a tattoo—furthermore, if he ever wanted to come home to HER house, he wouldn’t get a tattoo either. Hmmm.....
The second thing that got me going was that my riding instructor, Kate, had come home from a great week-long clinic, full of ideas and new ways of looking at the horse-rider partnership. I worked on two of the horses at her farm right after they had had lessons, which is when I typically work on them. I have NEVER seen them more relaxed and content. Not physically or mentally really tired, just very peaceful and almost buzzing with happiness. And I had a lesson with Kate right after this, and my own horse,Simon, was the most relaxed I have ever known him to be in a lesson.
The really interesting part about that for me is that the changes that Kate made weren’t huge, by any means. In fact, I’m not even sure that I could clearly define for you what those changes were, but the word soft keeps coming to mind. I know that we spend a fair amount of time in my lesson working on getting me to ask ONCE, clearly, and get the result I had asked for, not nag, nag , nag with my hands and legs and whip, which is my tendency. But we’ve worked on that before, without the same overwhelming relaxation on Simon’s part—not to be confused with laziness.
So the conclusion I come to about both these interactions—the mother and teenage boy, and the horses and riders in lessons with Kate, is that it is all about the ASKING. My thought after hearing the mom and son was, “Oh boy. I’d love to check in with both of you in about five years, to see how that ultimatum-style of parenting is working out for you both.” Imagine how things could have been different for both of them, if she had invited a discussion, a conversation, with her son, instead of laying down the law.
It’s the same with our horses. Discussions, conversations, asking nicely instead of demanding or nagging—this will get us further toward our goal of excellent horsemanship. This is not to say that we don’t have to demand respect from our horses, or that we should allow them to be bulls with us, but think about what most makes you want to cooperate with a co-worker or your partner. Demands, threats, bullying, may get you short-term results, but will certainly get you long-term resentment and unwillingness.
Enjoy your conversations with everyone around you, two-legged and four-legged.
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Back to school!
This week, like so many other folks out there, I went back to school. I started taking a very comprehensive equine anatomy and physiology course, which will expand my knowledge of how the horse works as a physical entity, and help me to provide better care for my clients.
I noticed several things early on in the process, among them, that it is harder for me to study now than it was a "few" years ago when I was in college; that my brain works on this stuff even when I am asleep; and that we all learn and process information in different ways.
Like our horses, I can get stuck when learning something new. Some of the terms that I am trying to memorize are definitely more challenging and less intuitive than others. Some of them take only one read-through and I have them down. Some of the ones that I thought were so challenging, I wake up in the middle of the night, reciting them in my head. If I am in just the right mind-set, learning is so easy! But if I am distracted, looking at the clock, not in my quiet place (whether mentally or physically), it is an absolutely uphill battle.
We are so much like our horses! Except for memorizing Latin medical terms, our horses have the same challenges when trying to learn. A gifted equine athlete may find flying changes easy, but another horse may really struggle with them. Some horses are easily distracted and easily bored, and need to mentally challenged more than others. Some horses benefit from a lot of repetition, others find this to be mind-numbing and frustrating.
And sometimes, we project our own learning styles on our horse. We might say "Oh, Poopsie just hates ring work! She gets so bored!" when the reality is that Poopsie is just fine in the ring, but WE are the ones bored with it.
It all comes down to the same thing. Whether we are the ones trying to learn something new, or we are working on something new with our horse, we have to get out of our own way, and really listen to what we or our horses need. Set yourself and your horse up for success. Create situations where learning can really happen. Remember to give yourself a pat on the back, and your horse a pat on the neck, when you've overcome a challenge, even if it felt small. We can all use more encouragement! Take breaks, and allow yourself and your horse to feel a sense of accomplishment. Don't be too hard on yourself or your horse if that lateral movement wasn't just picture-perfect, but don't settle for second-best and laziness in yourself or your horse, either. Ask for more, and then allow yourselves to enjoy having achieved it. And don't school yourself, or your horse, into the ground. Make learning fun for both of you! The rewards are infinite.
I wish you joy in your time spent with your horses, and in the time spent with yourself.
I noticed several things early on in the process, among them, that it is harder for me to study now than it was a "few" years ago when I was in college; that my brain works on this stuff even when I am asleep; and that we all learn and process information in different ways.
Like our horses, I can get stuck when learning something new. Some of the terms that I am trying to memorize are definitely more challenging and less intuitive than others. Some of them take only one read-through and I have them down. Some of the ones that I thought were so challenging, I wake up in the middle of the night, reciting them in my head. If I am in just the right mind-set, learning is so easy! But if I am distracted, looking at the clock, not in my quiet place (whether mentally or physically), it is an absolutely uphill battle.
We are so much like our horses! Except for memorizing Latin medical terms, our horses have the same challenges when trying to learn. A gifted equine athlete may find flying changes easy, but another horse may really struggle with them. Some horses are easily distracted and easily bored, and need to mentally challenged more than others. Some horses benefit from a lot of repetition, others find this to be mind-numbing and frustrating.
And sometimes, we project our own learning styles on our horse. We might say "Oh, Poopsie just hates ring work! She gets so bored!" when the reality is that Poopsie is just fine in the ring, but WE are the ones bored with it.
It all comes down to the same thing. Whether we are the ones trying to learn something new, or we are working on something new with our horse, we have to get out of our own way, and really listen to what we or our horses need. Set yourself and your horse up for success. Create situations where learning can really happen. Remember to give yourself a pat on the back, and your horse a pat on the neck, when you've overcome a challenge, even if it felt small. We can all use more encouragement! Take breaks, and allow yourself and your horse to feel a sense of accomplishment. Don't be too hard on yourself or your horse if that lateral movement wasn't just picture-perfect, but don't settle for second-best and laziness in yourself or your horse, either. Ask for more, and then allow yourselves to enjoy having achieved it. And don't school yourself, or your horse, into the ground. Make learning fun for both of you! The rewards are infinite.
I wish you joy in your time spent with your horses, and in the time spent with yourself.
Saturday, August 28, 2010
Vibration
Lately I have been listening to lots of different people talk about vibration. They (Ester Hicks, Gary Douglas, Dain Heer and numerous others) say we are infinite beings and I believe them. They say we can have more of what we want in our lives and I believe them. Not because they said so. Because they have shown example after example of how it works. When you create a certain vibration or energy it attracts similar vibrations. This has been proving by scientists. The problem is we don’t look at ourselves as vibrational beings. If we can create the vibration of what we want to attract it will come. I want to have a great ride today, instead of I hope my horse doesn’t spook, buck, be lazy, take the wrong lead etc. We often get caught up in a reaction to something we don’t want that we forget to see what we have and what we want.
You might ask how do I do that? Next time you ride try this, find the feeling of what you are looking for and why you want it. Now stay with it as you move forward. Example: Before you get on remember a time when you had a fantastic ride. Remember what it felt like and what made it feel so great. Why you love horses and how your issues of the day begin to melt away as you ride. Don’t try to recreate that ride. Stay with the feeling that is creating the energy and vibration of how wonderful it was. Create that vibration and enjoy another yet different ride with your horse. The more time you spend in that space the easier it gets.
It takes practice and it can be done. We have spent so much time in our lives following the teachers of the day and then beating ourselves up for not being good enough or not having done it right instead of finding the energy and excitement of the lesson. Enjoying the ride and seeing what is right about this or that.
Yet it is really about how you feel and what your energy is like. When you feel good your vibration is different then when you feel bad. Horses are very sensitive to your vibration. They immediately know where you’re at when you come to visit with them. Horses normally vibrate at a higher level then we do. So…. Take advantage of the opportunity to vibrate at a higher level. Have more fun.
Lately I have been listening to lots of different people talk about vibration. They (Ester Hicks, Gary Douglas, Dain Heer and numerous others) say we are infinite beings and I believe them. They say we can have more of what we want in our lives and I believe them. Not because they said so. Because they have shown example after example of how it works. When you create a certain vibration or energy it attracts similar vibrations. This has been proving by scientists. The problem is we don’t look at ourselves as vibrational beings. If we can create the vibration of what we want to attract it will come. I want to have a great ride today, instead of I hope my horse doesn’t spook, buck, be lazy, take the wrong lead etc. We often get caught up in a reaction to something we don’t want that we forget to see what we have and what we want.
You might ask how do I do that? Next time you ride try this, find the feeling of what you are looking for and why you want it. Now stay with it as you move forward. Example: Before you get on remember a time when you had a fantastic ride. Remember what it felt like and what made it feel so great. Why you love horses and how your issues of the day begin to melt away as you ride. Don’t try to recreate that ride. Stay with the feeling that is creating the energy and vibration of how wonderful it was. Create that vibration and enjoy another yet different ride with your horse. The more time you spend in that space the easier it gets.
It takes practice and it can be done. We have spent so much time in our lives following the teachers of the day and then beating ourselves up for not being good enough or not having done it right instead of finding the energy and excitement of the lesson. Enjoying the ride and seeing what is right about this or that.
Yet it is really about how you feel and what your energy is like. When you feel good your vibration is different then when you feel bad. Horses are very sensitive to your vibration. They immediately know where you’re at when you come to visit with them. Horses normally vibrate at a higher level then we do. So…. Take advantage of the opportunity to vibrate at a higher level. Have more fun.
Friday, August 20, 2010
Endless possibilities
Right now, most everything in my life feels wide open and anything seems possible. It's pretty scary! The fact that we have the opportunity to create our own new selves and new directions is always there. Right now it is coming to the surface for a lot of people.
It's like riding (you knew I was going to say that, didn't you?). When you run into a block or stuck area while riding, there are endless ways to release and soften, to move forward, to avoid getting stuck in that space. Look first to your breath--where did it go? Then look to your energy--is it flowing or are there tight areas? Then ask how you can help the horse understand where you DO want him to go--not how you DON'T want him to be.
Then take that breath, soften that tension, and go for it. Once your horse realizes there won't be a fight, he will be happily surprised and much more willing! He'll wait til you figure it out. He just hopes it's sooner rather than later
It's like riding (you knew I was going to say that, didn't you?). When you run into a block or stuck area while riding, there are endless ways to release and soften, to move forward, to avoid getting stuck in that space. Look first to your breath--where did it go? Then look to your energy--is it flowing or are there tight areas? Then ask how you can help the horse understand where you DO want him to go--not how you DON'T want him to be.
Then take that breath, soften that tension, and go for it. Once your horse realizes there won't be a fight, he will be happily surprised and much more willing! He'll wait til you figure it out. He just hopes it's sooner rather than later
Thursday, August 12, 2010
Another day another dollar.... another day another ride..... another ride another opportunity to learn and change how I see the world and how I move throughout my day.
Each day is a new opportunity to begin fresh with a new perspective on riding and on life. Today while I was at Pilate's I began the exercises from a place of trying. I continued to be frustrated with my inability to connect my body into a whole and really work from my core, until I began to let go of trying and find the flow of the energy. Once I began to work from the flow of energy I found new ability to be stronger and more fluid. When I was trying and holding myself in place I was stuck and could not move. When I thought about the energy moving through my pelvis and down into the floor. I noticed that it felt easier and that I felt stronger and believe it or not the more I could move. These concepts around energy, work for every aspect of my life. I discovered them through CEGAwork and I continue to be amazed at how they work in all aspects of my life. The more I get out of my own way the easier life becomes.
Each day is a new opportunity to begin fresh with a new perspective on riding and on life. Today while I was at Pilate's I began the exercises from a place of trying. I continued to be frustrated with my inability to connect my body into a whole and really work from my core, until I began to let go of trying and find the flow of the energy. Once I began to work from the flow of energy I found new ability to be stronger and more fluid. When I was trying and holding myself in place I was stuck and could not move. When I thought about the energy moving through my pelvis and down into the floor. I noticed that it felt easier and that I felt stronger and believe it or not the more I could move. These concepts around energy, work for every aspect of my life. I discovered them through CEGAwork and I continue to be amazed at how they work in all aspects of my life. The more I get out of my own way the easier life becomes.
Thursday, August 5, 2010
If I'd known then what I know now...
Earlier this week, my daughter, Hannah , and I said good-bye to Hannah's thoroughbred gelding, Harley. Old age and various infirmities had finally caught up with him, and it was clearly time. We spent a lot of time reminiscing about the Harley we had known and loved.
Here's one of my most profound memories of him.
Some years ago, when Hannah was in Pony Club, we made arrangements to take a cross-country lesson with the club at the facility of a well-known, high-level eventing trainer. We were all very excited at the prospect--how cool would this be?!
The day before the lesson, we bathed and groomed Harley, and generally prepped him for his outing. He was somewhat agitated, but we attributed it to his picking up on our excitement. The next morning, when I went out to the barn to feed the horses, Harley wouldn't eat, was barely picking at his food, whinnying and very restless. Hannah coaxed him to eat, and we loaded him on the trailer for the long drive.
We arrived at the farm, tacked up, and began the lesson. Harley was tense and not listening to Hannah, which was very unusual for him. He would normally become excited and keyed up, but not distressed, the way he was this particular morning. The lesson was to start in the arena, and we all thought he would settle down once he started to work--maybe it was just the strange place that was unnerving him? The kids started jumping their ponies, and Hannah came off Harley. In good form, she got right back on and the lesson proceeded. She was cantering to a 3 foot vertical, just a single rail, when Harley shied very hard to the left, and Hannah came off again. She landed hard, broke her glasses, and although she really wanted to continue, it was clear that this schooling session was over for her. Someone caught Harley, and I took Hannah into the barn to find some ice for the egg on her head. We decided to ice her head for a while, then load up Harley and go home, to take her to see a doctor at home. Harley was frantic, and absolutely refused to get on the trailer until Hannah came out to load him--at which point he walked on as quietly as an old dog. He was clearly upset and worried about Hannah, and reassured when she appeared to take his lead rope. He was apologizing as clearly as if he had spoken out loud.
On the way home, Hannah and I talked a lot about what could have upset Harley so much. Suddenly, Hannah remembered the video we had been given before Harley came to live with us. It had been taken about ten years before, and showed Harley being ridden in a severe bit, with big spurs, in a dressage lesson, without any regard for the fact that this was a VERY sensitive horse, who never needed spurs. The video had been taken at the same farm where we had gone for our schooling session. This same video showed him at another farm, being rushed at the fences, and generally having a lousy time of it. He was not happy.
It was clear that, before our schooling session there, Harley had known what was coming, and he was completely undone by it. He was fearful, tense, and trying as hard as he could to tell us. And good boy that he was, he tried to be a professional when we got there.
Do I regret that we didn't do a better job of listening to him? Of course. If we had gotten out of our own way, taken a step back, we wouldn't have put either Harley or Hannah through a pretty unpleasant experience. But we were both caught up in the ego aspect of taking a lesson with this famed trainer, and thought Harley would adjust to our needs.
What is my take-home message from this episode? As always: listen to your horse, and to yourself. I mean really listen, on a deep level. Quiet your mind, take some deep breaths, and check in with your horse, and yourself. Get to a still place in your own head, and see what you come up with. Don't edit it--that's really important. Just listen. It's all there, just waiting for you to hear it. And thank you, Harley, for helping us to learn.
Here's one of my most profound memories of him.
Some years ago, when Hannah was in Pony Club, we made arrangements to take a cross-country lesson with the club at the facility of a well-known, high-level eventing trainer. We were all very excited at the prospect--how cool would this be?!
The day before the lesson, we bathed and groomed Harley, and generally prepped him for his outing. He was somewhat agitated, but we attributed it to his picking up on our excitement. The next morning, when I went out to the barn to feed the horses, Harley wouldn't eat, was barely picking at his food, whinnying and very restless. Hannah coaxed him to eat, and we loaded him on the trailer for the long drive.
We arrived at the farm, tacked up, and began the lesson. Harley was tense and not listening to Hannah, which was very unusual for him. He would normally become excited and keyed up, but not distressed, the way he was this particular morning. The lesson was to start in the arena, and we all thought he would settle down once he started to work--maybe it was just the strange place that was unnerving him? The kids started jumping their ponies, and Hannah came off Harley. In good form, she got right back on and the lesson proceeded. She was cantering to a 3 foot vertical, just a single rail, when Harley shied very hard to the left, and Hannah came off again. She landed hard, broke her glasses, and although she really wanted to continue, it was clear that this schooling session was over for her. Someone caught Harley, and I took Hannah into the barn to find some ice for the egg on her head. We decided to ice her head for a while, then load up Harley and go home, to take her to see a doctor at home. Harley was frantic, and absolutely refused to get on the trailer until Hannah came out to load him--at which point he walked on as quietly as an old dog. He was clearly upset and worried about Hannah, and reassured when she appeared to take his lead rope. He was apologizing as clearly as if he had spoken out loud.
On the way home, Hannah and I talked a lot about what could have upset Harley so much. Suddenly, Hannah remembered the video we had been given before Harley came to live with us. It had been taken about ten years before, and showed Harley being ridden in a severe bit, with big spurs, in a dressage lesson, without any regard for the fact that this was a VERY sensitive horse, who never needed spurs. The video had been taken at the same farm where we had gone for our schooling session. This same video showed him at another farm, being rushed at the fences, and generally having a lousy time of it. He was not happy.
It was clear that, before our schooling session there, Harley had known what was coming, and he was completely undone by it. He was fearful, tense, and trying as hard as he could to tell us. And good boy that he was, he tried to be a professional when we got there.
Do I regret that we didn't do a better job of listening to him? Of course. If we had gotten out of our own way, taken a step back, we wouldn't have put either Harley or Hannah through a pretty unpleasant experience. But we were both caught up in the ego aspect of taking a lesson with this famed trainer, and thought Harley would adjust to our needs.
What is my take-home message from this episode? As always: listen to your horse, and to yourself. I mean really listen, on a deep level. Quiet your mind, take some deep breaths, and check in with your horse, and yourself. Get to a still place in your own head, and see what you come up with. Don't edit it--that's really important. Just listen. It's all there, just waiting for you to hear it. And thank you, Harley, for helping us to learn.
Saturday, July 31, 2010
August is almost upon us, and here in northern New England I can hear the cicadas buzzing and crickets chirping. A flock of geese is gathering in the field next door. It's both the height of summer and the end of summer.
Sometimes life is so busy, it's hard to truly focus and be 100% present while riding. So I've started a regular practice that has been incredibly helpful and successful for me.
Try this: Each time as I begin a ride (usually at a walk on a long rein, but I can do it anytime), I allow all the busy thoughts to just whirl around uninterrupted. There are a few that keep recurring. I take a deep breath in, and while blowing it out through pursed lips, I see the biggest worry/distraction/thought blowing away. I tell it I can't have it right now. It can come back later, but right now I'm blowing it clear from my mind. I do this two more times. It seems that 3 is the magic number. Whatever 3 things are foremost in my mind, I blow each away in turn. So I've relaxed my mind and through the breathing relaxed my body as well.
Sometimes, I think I know what the three things are for sure, yet when I take the breath and blow, something unexpected pops into my head. So I let it come, and I blow it away. Even when I think I "know" what's bothering me, this exercise lets underlying or suppressed thoughts surface and show how much they were really at the heart of matters.
3 breaths, 3 worries sent away and a greater feeling of peace and well-being. Happy Riding!!
Sometimes life is so busy, it's hard to truly focus and be 100% present while riding. So I've started a regular practice that has been incredibly helpful and successful for me.
Try this: Each time as I begin a ride (usually at a walk on a long rein, but I can do it anytime), I allow all the busy thoughts to just whirl around uninterrupted. There are a few that keep recurring. I take a deep breath in, and while blowing it out through pursed lips, I see the biggest worry/distraction/thought blowing away. I tell it I can't have it right now. It can come back later, but right now I'm blowing it clear from my mind. I do this two more times. It seems that 3 is the magic number. Whatever 3 things are foremost in my mind, I blow each away in turn. So I've relaxed my mind and through the breathing relaxed my body as well.
Sometimes, I think I know what the three things are for sure, yet when I take the breath and blow, something unexpected pops into my head. So I let it come, and I blow it away. Even when I think I "know" what's bothering me, this exercise lets underlying or suppressed thoughts surface and show how much they were really at the heart of matters.
3 breaths, 3 worries sent away and a greater feeling of peace and well-being. Happy Riding!!
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